For some reason there is this assumption by certain people
that a youth minister should be a parent figure in a student’s life. Still
among others there is an assumption that if I succeed at connecting with
students that means I become their friend.
I would like to take a quick minute to set to rest those
assumptions and offer instead that as a youth worker I have the unique joy that
goes along with its own unique relationship.
I am not another
parent for students
Parents are wonderful they are by far the biggest influence
in a student’s life even if the student or the parent does not realize it. I am
a parent of my own child and it has a great deal of responsibilities and
challenges to help my child grow. I do my best to provide for him and to keep
him safe from harm. My wife and I control his schedule and contribute daily to
his understanding of the way the world works. It is our responsibility to set
our expectations of behavior and respect for our son and that starts even
before he can walk.
As a youth director I get to have the blessing of
being an adult example for a student. I get to share with them some of my
wisdom of how the world works and I absolutely want to protect students from
harm in every way that I can. However by not being in charge of a student’s
daily discipline and schedule management that opens doors of relationship that
are not possible for parents. My time with students each week is limited. In
fact unless there is a special event, students spend significantly more time
with a teacher at school than a youth director. I cannot directly control how
students allocate their time in a week, no matter how much I would like that to
happen. I can only indirectly teach about priorities and living a balanced
life. I cannot nor would I want to have a say in a student having a smart phone
or what apps are or are not allowed throughout the week. I cannot make a
student put their phone down and go to bed when I see them tweeting at 2AM.
I am not just a
friend for students
Friends are great; they walk through life with us. Friends
are a whole lot of fun. Friends back us up when we are trying to make points.
Friends hang out at school dances. Friends hang out together. Friends discuss
things that are appropriate, and things that are not. Friends look out for each
other’s needs and wants. There are a lot of similarities between youth
directors and Friends, but there are a few differences.
As a youth director I will not be sharing a limo with
any of you on your way to prom. I will almost always stick out like a sore
thumb if I find myself in the student section at a football game. As a youth
director you can share your life with me and I can keep a lot of things in
confidence. However, students cannot tell me of a situation where they are
about to break the law, and expect me not to tell anyone. I cannot keep
confidence if you are about to harm yourself or someone else, I am obligated to
call 911. There are certain subjects that I can’t participate in discussion
with a student. There are times when I know what is going on in your life and
times when I do not. There are times when I have to make a decision for the
sake of another student or the group as a whole instead of backing you up or
taking your side.
The biggest complements I can get come in wonderful ways. The
first is when a parent of a student approaches me randomly and says something
along the lines of “I just want to let you know how much we appreciate you,
since Michael started going to youth we have noticed a huge difference in his
life” and the second (not by order of importance) is seeing students become
amazing Christian adults where their faith is a noticeable part of the way they
live their lives.
Though I am neither another parent nor another friend, I am
so glad because I get to be a unique blend of the two that comes with being a
Youth Minister.
